Guys: If you’re going to write about sex, make it sexy!

Over the years, I’ve read and edited a lot of manuscripts. Most men cannot write about sex worth a damn. They’re terrible (most of them, anyway). It’s true! Talk about lame. Ugh! When you find yourself rolling your eyes or emitting a deep belly laugh, then you know the scene is anything BUT sensuous or erotic. Guys, please, if you’re not adept at writing sex scenes, DON’T! Don’t name your penises, either. You end up sounding silly, not sexy.

Take your diva attitude — and your book — elsewhere.

Take it from a managing editor (me): Nobody HAS to publish your book. So you can take your diva attitude and stuff it…and take your manuscript elsewhere, while you’re at it. I CANNOT STAND when authors are unnecessarily rude and crude to editors, agents and publishers who are trying to work with them. We are NOT your whipping boys/girls, so don’t let the door hit you in the a** on the way out! Again, so glad the majority of authors are polite and professional. THANK you!

Submission guidelines are for a REASON! Abide by them.

Arrogant author: “I know your submission guidelines are a certain way, but I refuse to abide by your rules. Therefore, here is my manuscript in a locked PDF format, and you will just have to accept it as I’ve sent it to you.” // My thoughts, “No, we don’t have to accept it as you’ve submitted it. If you cannot follow the submission guidelines and format your manuscript correctly, then you will receive a big fat REJECTION. How about that?” *stabs desk with sharp object in frustration* Wow…the nerve of some people. Thank goodness the AWESOME authors outweigh the pompous JACKASSES out there! Here’s a bit of advice: I’m not YOUR bitch, mmmkay?